when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
