I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
