This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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