i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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