Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
