Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
