i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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