he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
