If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
