Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Porn is love you can see.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
