I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
