Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
