he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
