i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
