Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
