guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
