My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
