I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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