The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
