She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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