I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
