is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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