guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
