I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's get the cat blown out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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