Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
