you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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