thus making me awesome and them whores
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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