I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
