Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
