We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize