Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
