thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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