i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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