I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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