And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
