I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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