Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
