i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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