Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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