Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize