you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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