bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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