Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize