i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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