u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
