Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
