Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
where am i from again
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
