i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
