why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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