Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it's like iHOP with fire
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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