you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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