so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
