Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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