Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
