you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
