I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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