I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
