i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
