I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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