oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
