I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
