4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He better not be in your backpack
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
