I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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