We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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