Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
