ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
