Only a mothe r could love this liver
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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