Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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