You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize