I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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