im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
