it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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