Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
