You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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